I was told once by a very smart mystery person, there are two thoughts human beings have that inhibit them from making changes in their lives.
1) I don't have enough money.
2) What will other people think of me?
As someone who didn't grow up with a trust fund, I can attest to number one. I have had that thought so many times, "If I just had the money..."
And as someone who was not always confident, question number two has loomed in my mind even in the most mundane of circumstances. But also in big ones, like ... what will my friends think if I quit being available to them for 2 months in order to finish this project? What will XXXX think if I quit calling her back cause our conversations are draining? What will my parents think if their adult child still can't "settle down and get it together?" by next Christmas?
I have had an array of low-paying and decent paying jobs in my life. I have never been good at saving money and I have often times been in debt. I've done stupid things with the idea I'd grow rich from them. I've had endless notebooks of brilliant ideas that never happened, cause...
"If I just had the money, I'd... " (it all comes full circle, doesn't it?)
A SHIFT:
I finally decided when I wanted to do one of my first big creative undertakings, that I was not going to let money come in between me and completing the project. Nor what others thought of me. I was going to do it my way and I was going to grit down and bear the costs, even if it meant letting other things go. Miraculously, when I decided this, I got a call about a new job. The pay was more per hour than I'd ever made before. Hmmm.. interesting timing. IT WAS NOT EASY. I worked weekends. Sometimes holidays too, at 5 AM even. 10 hour days, 11 hour days... and every spare moment working on my project... WITH the money to do it.
It also took over a year to complete, but I did it. It wore me out at times, but it didn't matter. I didn't care. "There might be an easier way to do this," people would offer. "Why don't you just..." ... and every suggestion was something that would somehow alter my vision into settling for less with it, so I decided I was already into it and I was going to finish.
You know what the end result was? I was really, really, really happy with it. And lots of people said "Congratulations!" but some said "How Did You Do That?" with suspicious tones in their voices. And my weary, blissful, victorious, annoyed answer was "I WORKED MY ASS OFF!!!"
FREE IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING
My Japanese friend told me that little bit of wisdom that I have never forgotten, because sometimes when you wait for something that isn't going to cost you anything, you're going to be waiting a long time to do what you want to do, at the level of quality that you'd like to do it.
We are always looking for a bargain. But sometimes the bargain isn't worth it. Sometimes, you actually do get what you pay for.
Here's an exercise:
1. Write down how much money a month do you spend on these things:
Rent
Clothes
Car
Hair/ Cosmetics
Food/ drink
Entertainment
2. Now write down how much money per month you spend on putting energy into the things you really love to do.
3. Compare.
Maybe it's taking an art class, buying new fabrics to sew with, or just putting together a nice scrapbook of photos that have been sitting in a drawer. Or maybe it's something bigger, like...finding a graphic designer to make that T-shirt idea you drew on a napkin, recording that song nobody's heard yet with someone who knows how to make you sound REALLY great, or taking a professional cooking class to go into culinary arts as a profession...
Chances are, no matter how much or little you make, your money is going somewhere. And maybe it's going towards your dreams and hopes, or maybe just a little more of it could. Be patient, cause Rome wasn't built in a day, and your avant-garde naked postman statue might not be either...
SO... here is a challenge for you to
TURN YOUR IDEA INTO SOMETHING REAL:
1. THINK OF ONE IDEA you've had that you'd really like to pursue. Just one. It can be big or small. It could also be a THING, like, a new musical instrument, or a box of new art supplies. Or, an orange tree.
2. GET A JAR. or a box, but make it something you like to look at, cause you're going to visit it often.
3. WRITE YOUR IDEA/ WISH DOWN, and tape it to the jar.
4. EVERY DAY, MAKE A CONTRIBUTION. It can be a quarter, it can be a dollar, it can be the extra $5 bill you found in your pocket doing laundry. But make a contribution of some sort, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
This does two things:
1) It takes your idea from out of the floating chasm of your head, into the physical world.
2) It gets you to focus on your idea / wish everyday.
Oh, and a special THIRD magical thing it does:
It puts you on the way to making it happen.
There's a cheesy statement that you hear alot that is actually quite true:
WHERE YOUR ATTENTION GOES, ENERGY FLOWS.
When you put attention onto something, results are bound to happen, and you might even receive help from unexpected sources. But continuing to wait, letting that idea float around in the ether, you risk LETTING IT DIE. Thus...
3 BEWARES for this exercise in order to NOT LET IT DIE:
1) BEWARE of saying "but I'll never get the money to actually do it with nickels and dimes." When that voice in your head pops up, be firm. Say to that voice, "Will you shut up and do it?!" Then, shut up and do it.
2) BEWARE of taking money out of the jar. It is not your emergency bar money, electric bill payment, or to be used for anything else. If you have the tendency to cheat, start a new jar for "emergency spending" and budget separately when you get paid. Along those lines, DON'T QUIT CONTRIBUTING. If you skip a day, just make it up the next day. BUT DON'T QUIT.
3) BEWARE OF SHARING YOUR IDEA TOO SOON. This takes us back to #2 of our top two Inhibitors, What will other people think of me? Keep it silent for awhile. Let it roll around like a puppy in the grass without tossing it to the sharks, just for a little while. More on this soon...
Now... get off the computer and go pick up a pen and write down that idea that has been festering and clawing and seducing you. Wash out the nasty pickle jar in the back of the fridge and find the tape out of your junk drawer. DO IT NOW! You know you want it. Don't put off your dreams for another day!
All of my love, all of my love, all of my love to you,
Fluxus Flux
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