Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Talk To Strangers

Here are some of the things that have NOT happened to me when I’ve chosen to talk to strangers:

1-    Was kidnapped
2-    Was robbed
3-    body parts put in jars in somebody’s fridge
4-    the sky fell
5-    I accidentally got puked on
6-    murdered in other ways
7-    became a hooker
8-    joined a cult
9-    walked away with a post-it note on my back that said “kick me.”

Here are some of the things that HAVE happened:

1-    enlightenment
2-    encouragement
3-    free drinks
4-    free cab rides!
5-    Offering someone else perspective as well as receiving it
6-    Gained new supporters
7-    Sometimes, mild boredom, but usually, not!
8-    Sense of community
9-    Pleasant surprises
10- Career boosts
11- Friendships
12- Knowledge about things I would have otherwise never discovered for myself.
13- Cheering up someone else.
14- Sometimes I MAY have felt slightly dorky, but that would usually pass upon hearing some delightful piece of information, such as they also like squirrels.
15- Curiousity often satisfied about various things about that person.
16- A plate of homemade sausage and peppers.

It takes courage to talk to strangers.  There are all sorts of reasons why we shouldn’t… especially women.  God knows what people will think of us brash tarts, saddled up to some stranger by ourselves at a countertop? The nerve! Good girls do not talk to strangers.  Likewise, self-respecting gentlemen keep to themselves.  We should all go about our day, taking care of our own business, in isolation, leaving each other alone.  Like ants.  And stylish ants, at that.   Ants in skinny jeans, not breathing, staring straight ahead, looking cool, silent, until we pass out from lack of air. 

Or, we could start communicating with each other.  Find out what we could do to encourage someone else, instead of focusing on our own meager mental chatter all day long.  We might find someone to work on our decorative cupcake sculpture with us.  We could teach someone else how to knit, or learn how to play the xylophone.  Organize a neighborhood clean-up at the park.  Have a new addition to your monthly record-listening party. 

You don’t have to travel to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere to spend time with a stranger.  And, sure, use your intuition when inviting people to your home.  Boundaries with strangers are okay.  But… if you’re the kind of person who resists talking to strangers, next time when you see someone you’d like to talk to, or ask them where they got that fabulous 5” wide tie or vintage bracelet, start a conversation.  You never know what might come out of that conversation, for both of you. 

How To Talk To An Artist:


1)   Be gentle with criticism.  Artists are given a bad rap for being whiny when actually, they are sensitive.  This is why they are able to create works of art. Think about what you're saying when you talk to an artist about what they do, and try not to be pessimistic.  Don't be the jerk at the party that says "Well, you know that business/ scene/ movement/ field is totally OVER." Or, "Are you TRYING TO BE LIKE (fill in post-grunge top 40 band here)?" Chances are, they are not "trying to be" anybody except themselves on a good day.  If you don't like it, you don't need to ream them for it. Be polite.  And if you feel the dying urge to tell them something about how their performance could be improved, try to think of your "constructive criticism," instead as "constructive comments."  Such as: "I really love the images you did of neighbor Sally.  I would even love to see one of her face, because the other areas are so well done..." or "Wow, that was groundbreaking, you're almost channeling Yoko Ono... imagine what new inspiration you'd have mixing that with some unique instruments, or a guitar player..." Yes, polite, gentle suggestions will go over much better than "Don't you need some kind of back up plan these days?" or "So how much money CAN you make from doing this?"


2)   Be mindful.  Most artists probably did not grow up in an environment where their talents were focused on and well-fostered and encouraged. Those that had this privilege are quite lucky, but not necessarily the norm.  Choosing to create is not just a choice like deciding where to go on vacation, but also a sacrifice.  There is a reason why “starving + “artist” became a phrase.  Creating art takes time.  This is time that artists choose to spend creating instead of, say, taking on a second or 3rd job, or starting an internet business, or going golfing with bankers.  They choose to create because they’re moved to in some way and want to leave something of value behind. The music you listen to and the pictures you love to look at didn’t get there because someone just thought it’d be nice for you to see them or hear them.  It took time, effort, work, and money for the artist to get them out into the world.  Please be mindful of this the next time your sister’s boyfriend hands you a flyer to see his band play.  You don’t have to go, but please don’t wad it up and throw it at him and call him a name like “bandtard.”

3)    Money is  a totally appropriate gift.  If you’re an artist, and grew up in a family where your parents felt money is “not personal enough” , and thought it necessary to buy you something to wrap up and put in a box, like, say, a jogging suit, then you may know the  feel of the strange “guilt grimace” that attacks your facial muscles around holiday giftgiving and receiving.   For those of you who have an artist in your life or family, please consider this permission to JUST GIVE CASH.  If you feel like this is still not appropriate, then here’s another idea: Buy their CD / painting/ photograph/ jewelry and give it as a lovely gift to someone else. 

Artists are like carpenters:  they build things.  It costs money for them to have the materials to do so, and it takes labor for them to build it.  You can help them out a whole lot by just gifting them with the ability to buy their materials of choice, so they can keep doing what they do.  This means more to them than any gadget, clothing, or DVD collection ever will.  And you will have the empowered feeling of knowing you helped create their next masterpiece by helping them live.

4)   Don’t feel it necessary to announce to them the day of that you can’t make it to their performance/ opening/ concert/ presentation.  If the artist in your life has an important event coming up, they have a hundred things on their mind, one of them being “will I have enough people show up?”  Of course, everyone can’t make it to every event.  We know this as artists.  But the last thing we want to hear before our big moment is “Wow, I’m not going to make it because XXX’s parents are in town, and they got confused about our schedule and want to go to this Mexican place tonight., and…” Because at a very crucial pre-presentation moment, you might as well throw at knife into our backs and deflate us, because A) we are feeling very sensitive at that point in time, and B) we don’t want to hear whatever the plausible very valid excuse is at that moment, because we’ve just spent the entire week perspiring to get this thing ready for people like you, and have other things on our minds.

Miss Art Manners would recommend that if you can’t make it, let the day go by without drawing attention to your social emergency, and simply send a lovely simple email apology note the following day, when the artist is waking up lazy and pleasant with glitter still in her hair, on her bed of roses from the adoring fans that did manage to make it.  She will forgive you, and you won’t be remembered for causing her to throw her cell phone in the toilet right before the performance of her life.

5)   That being said, if you get invited to multiple performances from a friend who is an artist, go to ONE!
Somebody’s art is an expression of who they are as a human being.  If you have a friend who is an artist, and you constantly find things to get in the way of going to that quarterly art exhibit, happy-hour cocktail lounge, or short film presentation at the quirky loft in the bad part of town, here’s an exercise for you:  Next time you get an invitation, try, just once, to make it your priority to attend.  This isn’t so much for the artist, as it is for you… You will not only learn something new about your friend, and meet other people are into your friend’s art, but you may even have an experience that really enhances your life.  But if you stay home watching hulu again like a fuddy-duddy, you won’t! Get up! Get out! 

1)   Don’t forget about COMPLIMENTS!
Honest, specific compliments mean so much, and show that you’re actually paying attention to what’s going on.  Feel free to COMPLIMENT an artist!!
They will remember it!
Here are some examples:
-“It seems like you really spent a lot of time on this.”
-“It must take a lot of perservance to put together a show like this.”
-“You really impressed me with your theme.”
-“I knew you had talent, but I can really see it growing.”
-“I really had an experience with that particular painting, because it reminded me of …”


6)   If you know someone who is talented and is an artist, spread the word! The best referrals in any field are word of mouth.  People get discovered this way, get jobs this way, and support themselves this way.   If you know someone who deserves success, then start telling people about them yourself! Send an email to your friends with a link to the artist’s site.  Tell people who work in advertising/ marketing about them. You never know where these things could lead.  Don’t be shy!  Because we’re shy enough about our own creations that we’re probably not going to ask you!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

How To Rake Leaves.

I have a friend in California who is a painter, named Harry Blitzstein.
I used to go by his studio and listen to his cocker spaniel howl,  and have tea and talk about art and music and life.

I learned many things from my times with Harry, but one of the coolest things I learned from him was THE ART OF DOING.   This came about while discussing a book about raking leaves.

To be honest, the details are a little dusty, I can't remember if it was someone else's book he was talking about, or a book he made, but it was, in theory, a very stately, fancy book, called
How To Rake Leaves

Inside, it said:



Chapter 1:


Rake The Leaves.




The rest of the book was blank. 

The Two Biggest Life Inhibitors... and a challenge

I was told once by a very smart mystery person, there are two thoughts human beings have that inhibit them from making changes in their lives.
1) I don't have enough money.
2) What will other people think of me? 


As someone who didn't grow up with a trust fund, I can attest to number one.  I have had that thought so many times, "If I just had the money..."
And as someone who was not always confident, question number two has loomed in my mind even in the most mundane of circumstances.  But also in big ones, like ... what will my friends think if I quit being available to them for 2 months in order to finish this project? What will XXXX think if I quit calling her back cause our conversations are draining?  What will my parents think if their adult child still can't "settle down and get it together?" by next Christmas?


I have had an array of low-paying and decent paying jobs in my life. I have never been good at saving money and I have often times been in debt. I've done stupid things with the idea I'd grow rich from them.  I've had endless notebooks of brilliant ideas that never happened, cause...


"If I just had the money, I'd... " (it all comes full circle, doesn't it?)


A SHIFT:
I finally decided when I wanted to do one of my first big creative undertakings, that I was not going to let money come in between me and completing the project.  Nor what others thought of me. I was going to do it my way and I was going to grit down and bear the costs, even if it meant letting other things go.  Miraculously, when I decided this, I got a call about a new job.  The pay was more per hour than I'd ever made before.  Hmmm.. interesting timing.  IT WAS NOT EASY. I worked weekends. Sometimes holidays too, at 5 AM even.  10 hour days, 11 hour days... and every spare moment working on my project... WITH the money to do it.
It also took over a year to complete, but I did it. It wore me out at times, but it didn't matter. I didn't care.  "There might be an easier way to do this," people would offer.  "Why don't you just..." ... and every suggestion was something that would somehow alter my vision into settling for less with it, so I decided  I was already into it and I was going to finish.


You know what the end result was? I was really, really, really happy with it.  And lots of people said "Congratulations!" but some said "How Did You Do That?" with suspicious tones in their voices.  And my weary, blissful, victorious, annoyed answer was "I WORKED MY ASS OFF!!!"


FREE IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING


My Japanese friend told me that little bit of wisdom that I have never forgotten, because sometimes when you wait for something that isn't going to cost you anything, you're going to be waiting a long time to do what you want to do, at the level of quality that you'd like to do it. 
We are always looking for a bargain.  But sometimes the bargain isn't worth it.  Sometimes, you actually do get what you pay for. 


Here's an exercise:
1. Write down how much money a month do you spend on these things:
Rent
Clothes 
Car
Hair/ Cosmetics
Food/ drink
Entertainment


2. Now write down how much money per month you spend on putting energy into the things you really love to do.


3. Compare.  


Maybe it's taking an art class, buying new fabrics to sew with, or just putting together a nice scrapbook of photos that have been sitting in a drawer.  Or maybe it's something bigger, like...finding a graphic designer to make that T-shirt idea you drew on a napkin, recording that song nobody's heard yet with someone who knows how to make you sound REALLY great, or taking a professional cooking class to go into culinary arts as a profession... 


Chances are, no matter how much or little you make, your money is going somewhere. And maybe it's going towards your dreams and hopes, or maybe just a little more of it could. Be patient, cause Rome wasn't built in a day, and your avant-garde naked postman statue might not be either...


SO... here is a challenge for you to


TURN YOUR IDEA INTO SOMETHING REAL:


1. THINK OF ONE IDEA you've had that you'd really like to pursue.  Just one. It can be big or small. It could also be a THING, like, a new musical instrument, or a box of new art supplies. Or, an orange tree.


2. GET A JAR.  or a box, but make it something you like to look at, cause you're going to visit it often.


3. WRITE YOUR IDEA/ WISH DOWN, and tape it to the jar.


4. EVERY DAY, MAKE A CONTRIBUTION.  It can be a quarter, it can be a dollar, it can be the extra $5 bill you found in your pocket doing laundry.  But make a contribution of some sort, EVERY SINGLE DAY.


This does two things: 
1) It takes your idea from out of the floating chasm of your head, into the physical world.
2) It gets you to focus on your idea / wish everyday.


Oh, and a special THIRD magical thing it does:  
It puts you on the way to making it happen.


There's a cheesy statement that you hear alot that is actually quite true:
WHERE YOUR ATTENTION GOES, ENERGY FLOWS.
When you put attention onto something, results are bound to happen, and you might even receive help from unexpected sources.  But continuing to wait, letting that idea float around in the ether, you risk LETTING IT DIE.  Thus...


3 BEWARES for this exercise in order to NOT LET IT DIE: 


1) BEWARE of saying "but I'll never get the money to actually do it with nickels and dimes."  When that voice in your head pops up, be firm.  Say to that voice, "Will you shut up and do it?!" Then, shut up and do it.


2) BEWARE of taking money out of the jar.  It is not your emergency bar money, electric bill payment, or to be used for anything else.  If you have the tendency to cheat, start a new jar for "emergency spending" and budget separately when you get paid. Along those lines, DON'T QUIT CONTRIBUTING. If you skip a day, just make it up the next day. BUT DON'T QUIT.


3) BEWARE OF SHARING YOUR IDEA TOO SOON.  This takes us back to  #2 of our top two Inhibitors, What will other people think of me?  Keep it silent for awhile. Let it roll around like a puppy in the grass without tossing it to the sharks, just for a little while.  More on this soon...


Now... get off the computer and go pick up a pen and write down that idea that has been festering and clawing and seducing you. Wash out the nasty pickle jar in the back of the fridge and find the tape out of your junk drawer.  DO IT NOW! You know you want it.  Don't put off your dreams for another day! 


All of my love,  all of my love, all of my love to you,
Fluxus Flux

Welcome to Anywhere

This is a story about my life, but it's not really important to know who I am... I'm a nobody, really, a girl who grew up in a midwestern city with big dreams and weird circumstances, who managed to get out.

By GETTING OUT, I do not mean that the physical part (i.e. "getting out of town") was the most crucial part.  I did, by sheer happenstance, leave the place where I was born and raised.  But by GETTING OUT, I mean I was able to finally GET OUT of the mind traps that kept me confused about who I was and what I wanted to do with my time in this crazy, beautiful, confusing, seems-short-though-sometimes-it-feels-awfully-long life.

This is not something that has been fast, easy, or available on Amazon.com.  There are many college classes available to learn an art, or a skill, or a business.  But I have yet to find the answers to my questions about the long haul; the sometimes very lonely path of actually being an artist of some sort, "for real," in real everyday life.  The questions I have about trying to balance making a living with being creative.  Or about the ecstasy of creating late in the night, when "you should be sleeping," but you can't, and let tomorrow come hell or highwater, cause you're really on to something!!!

I think it's taken my entire life to get to a place where I am able to make the statement "I know what I love to do, and I want to do what I love, and I won't settle for anything less."

Sometimes I have found great mentors in certain chapters of my life, other times, I have wandered around wondering what the hell I think I'm doing.  And then there are those times when I am alone, and dig deep, and feel that I know exactly what I'm doing, even if nobody else understands it or cares, I am living out of my TRUE NATURE. And that is when everything you've learned and experienced comes together in one great big chi-ball of feeling your own true identity.

The purpose of this blog is to share my experiences with others like me in hopes that it will help some other restless wandering soul in the middle of the night...

Someone like me who  may have any or all of these things: big passions, vivid dreams, indecision, bold inspiration, quiet urges, a favorite song, a lost hobby, bad credit, big hopes, fiery impulses, epic heartbreaks, spirited changes, a closet full of colored paper scraps, a drawer full of notebooks, a book on that thing you were gonna do, a car with a bad muffler, a phone number in the pocket that could lead to destiny, a desk job you have to drink coffee to stay awake at, a dream to drive across country in an RV, a vision of yourself doing something awesome that you have no idea what it is, a story, a memory, a loss, or a joyful dorky burst of needing to dance...

There is hope for you yet. More hope for you, in fact, than maybe anyone else in the world...

So I will gladly share my journey of longing, courage, pain, and (quite often), embarrassment, for you.

With love, from me...
Fluxus Flux