New Year's Mental Feng Shui... or, Things I'm not Doing...

It's been awhile since I've written... This fall was fantastic and action-packed, and, admittedly, in my down moments, I felt very lazy.  But in the spirit of all those things we should do at the start of a new year, I'm starting a regular blog entry again.  Cause I want to.

In the last week I've had some quiet days and have kept a conversation with myself... that goes... what would make me happier?  Really, truly, at the core, happier?  Because we all go through our lives satiating ourselves from the truth sometimes.  We tell other people that things are great, that because we're busy, we're really doing what we want to be doing.  But I've been sitting myself down for serious talk lately, and asking myself ... what would REALLY make you happier? 


In general, I feel happy, as normal people go. I have my creative projects, that, on a certain level, are fulfilling and I enjoy them, or I wouldn't be doing them.  I get cranky, sure.  I could use a little more scratch, sure, but I've kind of resigned to the fact that I will never have a private jet and a pool like Elvis did in the 60s.  Times have changed.  As long as I can go to the ocean once in awhile, those little - girl- dreams can still survive. (And who wants to deal with the maintenance?!)

I've turned down some invitations this week without really being sure why.  I feel an inner-shift going on.  Things that were working a year ago aren't working in the same way.  It's made me feel a little strange, but after a few days of staying in and going to bed early, I started to relax.  I spent less money.  I stopped worrying a little.

And that's when it hit me:  My life is reaching a weird marker where the things I do matter, but they matter in direct proportion to the things I DON'T do.  Maybe it's subconscious from this facebook post that was going around lately with this "stop doing this to yourself" list, or maybe it's an approaching birthday, but whatever it is, I have found myself involuntarily changing my MO.

And when you stop doing things that make a drain on your life, something magical happens: you create space.  And when you create space in your life, good things come in.  Have you ever know anyone who wanted so badly to have a relationship, but had a apartment crammed so full of things that there was no room for another person to even sit down?  The mind works the same way... cram it full of thoughts you don't want to have, and you'll have no room for creative genius.

So, here's a few things I WILL NOT be doing in the new year:

1) Self-inducing Friend Hangovers.
There's family, and there's "friends."  You can put up with alot of crap from your family, cause you're related.  And you can put up with alot of crap from your friends, cause you love them.  You can also put up with alot of crap from acquaintances, cause you just see them once in awhile and you appreciate their kooky qualities, then they go home and you don't see the chin-shavings in their sink or their nasty fridge.

But there is this thing I call a "friend hangover", and it's when you assume you have a friendship with a person, you enjoy this person, you think about this person and treat them as a friend, but over time realize that they're not always around when you ACTUALLY could use a friend to talk to.  And nobody can always be there when you need, them, but you realize that THIS particular friend is ALWAYS not around.  You may try to reach out, and when you do, you get an earful about their bad day, and when it's time to share your news they suddenly have a more important text message to answer.  You have something embarrassing happen, and they are the ones who don't realize this is their cue to cheer you up and help you laugh it off, and instead they get this tone in their voice that says "Um, what is your deal?" and make you feel like an even bigger dork.  And when you feel like you need to say something, there are no room for your feelings in the big picture of the relationship.  Your attempts to heal or improve the situation will be largely ignored, and leave you feeling... depressed.

So this year, when I'm tempted to reach out to those people who I know will leave me with a "friend hangover", I'm gonna put down that glass of delicious toxic juice and instead call someone who I know actually cares, like my best friend in the whole world; or an elderly friend, who would not only be glad for the chat, but probably have some good insight; or the girl from the party who had the same shoes on, who wanted to hang out sometime and is actually friendly.

2) Group Dinners.
I hate them.  I don't know why I hate them, but I just plain don't like them.  I love seeing friends, and especially if they're in town and it's a rarity.  But I can't think of any other kind of social experience I loathe more... than... Group Dinners.

I used to wait tables.  I have real pet-peeves with people who order waitresses around, make comments about the waitperson, have such finicky eating habits that it takes them 10 minutes to place an order, or don't tip well.  Or unorganized parties.  These experiences usually open happen when I'm at a restaurant... in a Group Dinner.  I feel stifled, I feel cranky, it takes the food too long, my blood sugar drops, and I can't hear anything cause everyone is yammering across the table going "What?!" over Rihanna or echoes of treated concrete floors. So, I'm just not doing it anymore.

There are exceptions:  like, people who I know I love being around, who never end up in the same room together, and I want to see them all, cause it hardly ever happens.  These situations make a group dinner awesome.  Or, hey, dad's taking everyone out to dinner.  This happens once  a year for me. Of course I'm going to go! Or my former employer, who loved taking his creative crew out to dinner before a new project, to a nice restaurant, with drinks and dessert.  Those were a blast, I enjoyed the company, and it felt like a real treat.

But if someone is having a birthday dinner, at a table for 10,  but maybe 12, or now 14, "around 8pm" with a bunch of people they hardly know themselves, over an over-priced bad margarita and some tough fajitas, that is going to take 3 hours, where I'm going to order a salad and then have to shell out $50 cause someone just ordered another bottle of wine, I'm now going to politely excuse myself from the early evening plans, and request someone text me when they get to the after-party gathering.  Cause, now that I'm an adult, I can confidently, with grace, and without apology, decline on the Group Dinner.

3) Free Shots.
I'm a musician, I'm around alot of musicians.  I spend probably 4 out of 7 nights at a music venue or a bar.  I enjoy a good drink now and then, a choice beer, a glass with something and lime.  But inevitably at some point in the evening, a shot may get thrust into my hand.  I'm not a purist, but I try to spend ample time taking care of my health.  And I know this one fact to be true: a free shot at the end of the night, "night cap," whatever you may call it, is ALWAYS a bad idea. There is absolutely nothing awaiting you in that glass except a WORSE feeling than you will already have in the  morning when you realize you forgot your friend's fiancee's name after meeting her twice.

Once in awhile, on a celebratory note, it has seemed like a great idea to "do a shot!" with the group.  Sorry, group, but like your dinners, this year I am going to politely decline, and pass mine over to someone with a hairy chest and a higher tolerance.

4) Saying YES too quickly and not asking enough questions. 
This applies to nearly everything except "Would you like a free sample?" at the grocery store.  Unless you're going to hand me a delicious tiny chocolate ice cream cone, or a crepe with a tiny fork, I'm going to drill you a little bit. Intense? Hard to Work with? Nope, just a little smarter than I used to be. 

5) Telling myself I'm okay with a situation when I'm not. 
I have a people pleasing button.  I'm sure it stems from a dysfunctional childhood.  I'm totally aware of how it plays out in my life.  And I still don't know how to turn it off completely.  But I have come a little bit farther in trying to stop it before it happens, and the way I have done this is through being honest with myself about how I feel about things.

And I have realized one thing to be true: you can lie to the public, you can lie to your parents, you can lie to your friends, and you can lie to a man, but when you have that horrible feeling in your stomach and can't sleep at night and want to burst into tears, you cain't lie to yourself.  And sometimes, being tough is not about stomaching or accepting a crappy situation.  Sometimes it's about cutting out the bullshit excuses, honoring yourself, and putting on your helmet, so you can walk through the shitstorm that awaits, and get out the door that lies open on the other side.

Oh, I almost forgot:
6) Listening to Everybody Else. 
I'm advice hoarder.  When I have to make a big decision, like buying a car, or signing a legal agreement, I want the advice of people I trust, or 5 people.  I have had mentors tell me things that were the catalyst for great change and inspiration within myself, things that truly helped me in my endeavors.  But there is one exception where I don't want your advice, and that is BAD unsolicited career advice.

I have been going down the creative path for years, and I have had successes, and I have had areas greatly in need of improvement.  I don't make a large amount of money from my art, but I am truly satisfied at what I create, because I take the time to carefully create it in the way that I want.  And I create it with the people I want. I'm constantly being given advice by people (usually not in my field) that begin with the sentence "YOU SHOULD JUST..."  (in fact I was going to type some examples, but they started annoying me, and the purpose of this blog wasn't to annoy myself, so I erased them.)

The other day I said "If I had a dollar for everytime someone gave me what they think is good advice for my career, I wouldn't be making music, I'd be vacationing!" My roommate laughed and said "So now is the time when you are supposed to not listen to anybody else."

Something clicked just then- oh, right! Cause if I didn't have to spend time and mental energy being frustrated at things other people say, what would I be doing?  Ohhhhh..... right...... I'd have more time to create. :)

Maintenance.

"Wow! How long has it been since I've written?"  I ask myself.  And thus, the subject of this post is... maintenance.

Like 'Zen and the Art of...', maintenance is one of those little things that, to a creative person, often seems to interrupt the flow of creativity. For example, I hate updating my own website.  I feel dumb when I write descriptions of my own music shows trying to make it sound like something people should go to.  I forget small details to making posts and get annoyed when it doesn't come out right.  Thus, I am way behind most of the time on doing it.  I would rather be writing songs.

Also, I hate changing guitar strings.  It's tedious, and takes forever.  It hurts my fingers to twist it around the little things just right. However, they get old.  They don't sound good. There is a certain little ritual I have to changing my strings where I run my fingers along them to warm up the string, and stretch it out manually a little bit before putting it on the guitar, so that they do not go out of tune as much (a little trick I learned early on from my friend Brian Kehew). If I never changed the strings, they would eventually break, probably at a very inopportune time, like in the middle of a song, live.

I currently have a pile of laundry towering next to my bed.  I have way gone through my mismatched socks, onto those pieces of fabrics vaguely resembling a sock, or opting for sandals.  Favorite T-shirts are way at the bottom of the laundry bag, along with a pair of very dirty/ muddy jeans I wore at a rainy music festival all weekend.  I found my last pair of clean fancy uncomfortable underwear today, in the bottom of the drawer, and I don't like going commando, so the laundry is going to HAVE to be done tomorrow.  I keep waking up dissatisfied that I need to get into the formal clothes collection when it's humid and 90 degrees out.  Why don't I do the laundry?? (I am, tomorrow!)

I have a list of phone calls to make, dumb issues to attend to, and groceries to buy so that I'll quit ordering takeout.  I need my bangs trimmed, my teeth checked, and my glasses readjusted.

All of these things take away from my time doing what I want to be doing, I tell myself.  "But I have to be somewhere... I want to decompress... I want to have some fun!... I need some time to chill out!... I can't get it all done before I need to be somewhere else!"

But actually, if these things were done, I would be a more well-oiled machine.  I could make a sandwich while I'm writing instead of have to take a half hour to walk to the deli to have them make me one (even though theirs taste better, sure!).  I could wear matching socks with the outfit of my choice tomorrow, instead of wearing sandals to the laundromat in my dorky shorts cause the rest are dirty. I could, maybe even allow some time to tackle NEW goals/ ideas that have been brewing. Like working on my next video... which keeps falllllllling byyyyy the wayyyyyysiiiiiidddddde....

Point is, certain tasks are not fun.  It's why people hire personal assistants, to have other people do their dumb shit for them.  I've been that person.  It's no more fun really when you're getting a paycheck for doing them, but it's even less fun when you're not getting a paycheck for doing that shit.  But... I was discussing with a friend today, there is a certain satisfaction on a deeper level in taking care of these tiny annoying issues that linger. Changing the lightbulb.  Dusting the bookshelf.  There is a certain satisfaction in... simplicity.  Putting in a little time to have things run more smoothly. Being clearheaded, and peaceful that the chi in your life will continue to flow...

If you change your oil, you can go alot further.  What in your creative life needs an oil change?
Maybe your equipment/ gear needs an update?  Maybe you need to clean your paintbrushes?  Drop one night going out the local bar in order to take a guitar class?

It's those little things that can build up and get really frustrating, but equally, can make the creativity flow alot easier.

Life Is Not Linear.

I studied with a yoga teacher for 11 years. He often spoke in cryptic sentences, leaving his students to raise their eyebrow afterwards, wondering if he was actually saying something off the cuff, or extremely profound.  I learned alot from him, but I think the most profound wisdom I ever received from him was "sometimes, we need to move side-to-side."

Sometimes the Great Conveyor Belt of Life takes us suddenly forward to a spot we didn't realize we were in.  Maybe it's with family responsibilities, maybe it's with a job, a relationship, or maybe it's with just stopping and looking back and realizing you're no longer where you used to be.

I grew up with alot of space around me.  I played in the yard, I played in the vacant lot next to our house, I played in my neighbors' yard, I went for walks.  There were 2 parks, the big park and the "secret park"- which I think only a select few of us knew existed, cause nobody was ever there.  The world seemed very, very big in a very small radius in Oklahoma, I had no concept of future, or past.  I talked to the mysterious "wind people" in the trees. I found magical pennies in the sand. I felt mystery in the disappearing edge of the vacant lot where the old stove remains stood.

Then somewhere along the way, life got very linear. Everything was leading to something else.  I felt like I was not going to ever matter unless I was constantly propelling myself forward, forward, forward.  This was as draining as it sounds.  So I stopped, and I moved across the country with two suitcases.

Now I live in Brooklyn, New York.  Gone are the parks where nobody sits but myself.  Gone are the sunrise hikes in the California canyons.  Gone are the moments of silent reflection. Now those moments feature "guest stars" of a random person yelling from the sidewalk, a helicopter buzzing, or a leery old person looking me up and down like I'm a derelict for having a hole in my knee.

My phone calls to friends back home are made quickly on the 10 minute walk to the subway with my hands full. People text because it's more efficient to make plans that way.  Everything comes down to a "NY minute," cause nobody has the time or energy to waste.  Everything is fleeting and momentary.  You can make a friend in a day and share your life story with them only to never see them or hear from them again.  That would seem weird to some (maybe me), but to New Yorkers, it's perfectly acceptable, cause they don't remember what happened yesterday. Everything that matters is what's happening now.  Which is one of the things I love most about this city...

But it's very easy to suddenly get trapped in linear thinking this way.

When I feel overwhelmed, I go back to the quiet voice... "Sometimes, we need to move side-to-side."

This means hanging out in the secret park, collecting magic pennies, and listening to voices in the trees (or, here the ones coming from the people behind the garbage can would work too).  It means sometimes just ordering delivery, or eating the chocolate croissant anyways even though you're trying to eat healthy. Sometimes it means putting your foot down even though nobody else know what the hell you're talking about.  Sometimes it means doing nothing.  Sometimes it means not trying to prove yourself to anybody but yourself.  Sometimes it means putting your problems aside and blowing bubbles. 

Life is not linear.  It's a field, in all directions.  It's not even 3-D.  It's 6-D.  There is no magic finish line, cause it's endless.  How can you encapsulate the mind and spirit of Einstein on a piece of paper? How can you reduce the depth of Beethoven's heart when he wrote the Moonlight Sonata, to a wikipedia article? And how can you judge your own life and its purpose simply by where your placement is in society, or what others think of you? 

This is not an excuse to be an asshole and waste your life away, but rather a reminder that sometimes it's not about GETTING MORE, but rather, about BEING,  MORE OFTEN.  Being simply who you already are, without needing anything more.  Without needing to do, acquire, have, or gain anything else.  Who you are is beyond your job, your facebook page, and what others think of you.  

So consider this permission to just move side-to-side, for however long you need to, in whatever way that means.  Take some time to find out, really and truly, what exists beyond your own layers.  Mull something over.  Don't decide.  Let the phone call hang.  Go to a movie alone. You'll be needing to move forward again quickly enough.  You're not going to miss out on anything. 

"Consolidate. Concentrate. Be You."

There is an excellent meditation called "Patience Pays" by Yogi Bhajan that states "You need a million things? A million things will reach you- if you are stable. Established. Firm. Patient... Creation is ready to serve you, if you just BE YOU... So please, take away the ghost of your life, and stop chasing round. Consolidate. Concentrate. BE YOU..."

Artists are often regarded as eccentric, emotional creatures.  We flit. We flutter. We have moods. We have vices.  We get confused. We are sometimes late or irresponsible.  We are sometimes workaholics.  We don't always remember birthdays and don't always show up to special occasions.  We stand in an art stores and are seized with panic attacks because we don't even know where to begin.  We get ulcers because not writing a paragraph correctly can haunt us for weeks, months, some people, years! We come out of our shells and expend our energy trying to get to the top of the next hill and then come back exhausted, tired, and even more confused.  We stay up too late, often make little money, and feel disconnected from "those normal people" with "those normal lives" who couldn't possibly understand the agony and ecstasy that is our existence.

And, you are right.  you do not have a "normal life."  You are an artist.  You have a gift, and with that gift, comes a responsibility:  to make the most of that gift while you are here on earth.

Because when your life is over, it will be too late.

Look at the flame of a candle.  It is not messy.  It is not widespread.  The light it casts is widespread, but the flame ends in a very concentrated point.  It moves, it dances, it is flexible, but it never leaves the wick. It stays right there, an intense little beam of fire.

If you want to be an inspiration to others with your art, to cast your light onto your environment in some way, you must also have concentration.  This can be subjective to your own personal situation.  But in some way, if you want to capture that essence of creativity, you must eventually do some consolidating of your time and energy.  This does not have to be a CHORE.

It can mean many things.  Here are some ways to consolidate:
-quit going to things you don't want to go to just because you were invited.
-replace a junk food meal that makes you sleepy with protein and vegetables that give you more energy.
-turn off the phone while you have your creative time. There is no law that says you must answer it right then! That's what voicemail is for!
-limit the drains in your life- this could be people, activities, projects that no longer work for you, acquaintances.  Be honest with yourself about what situations you need to commit to working out (family?), and which ones you are able to free yourself of.
-ask your close friends to understand your absence. It's as simple as saying "I hope you can understand, I'll drop by the party but I can't stay the whole time..."
-Align yourself with knowing mentors... this can be an invaluable help in sorting out confusion on your artistic path.
-Give activities time limits. Do you really need to be on the internet for 5 hours every weekend?
-Exercise.  You will be refreshed, renewed, and oxygenated, keeping your brain more alert and awake to your next stroke of genius.
-Stop trying to control the universe.  It will go on without you.  (scary, huh?)

The other part of this meditation I really like is the BE YOU part.
You are the only person in this world who has had your exact life experiences.  You are the only person who will ever know them, really, truly, when you leave this life.

It takes courage to expose a part of yourself to the world.  As an artist, you are a vessel to creativity, and you are also part of it.  A peanut butter sandwich is the peanut butter and the bread.  The art can't be made without the artist.  The art is not ALL ABOUT the artist, but the two are intertwined and cannot be made separately.  A machine can replicate, it can do amazing things these days, but... it cannot create like a human because it has no soul. It takes the human to make the art.

Therefore, if you are trying to create while pretending to be somebody else, the art will come out confused.  It will not be your PURE art.  It will be forced, false, maybe boring, maybe trendy, but it will not capture that timeless essence that magnetizes people to want to experience it over and over again.

When you are honest to your work, the work will be honest.  Maybe you feel that YOU is not enough- maybe someone won't like it, or will criticize it, or will think this big shiny fabulous thing next to you is of more value.  And the truth is, that may very well happen! It happens all the time!

But it doesn't matter.  Because when you create something real for YOU, there will be someone else that it will also be real for.  And that communication is all that matters.

The goal for this week is to Consolidate, Concentrate, and BE YOU.  Drop the activities and obsessions that keep your energy pouring out into vast seas of waste.  Start fresh, right now, by taking a deep breath, and letting go.  Fall into your 5 year old self.  Be simple. And see what changes when you come into your concentrated self.

Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood?

I guess first I should say, that it's taken a long time for this post to appear, because I have been on the road with a rock and roll band since March.  Which inspires many topics for post, but this is the first one.

We went through many small towns and the way down to Texas and back up to New York.  Met many people, slept in many places, and had a variety of situations and experiences.  And I have decided while thinking about creativity and life that "getting to know the locals" is one of the most inspiring things one can do.

This picture is taken from an old-fashioned style printing shop called YeeHaw Industries in Knoxville, TN.  They use the giant presses to do mostly posters/ announcements, but also have a variety of other things for sale.  We happened upon it while killing time, and one of our band members had been there before.  We popped inside and the employees let us go in the back and observe as he ran some of the most gorgeous posters I've ever seen.

I was fascinated with the gears of the old machines, and walls and walls and walls of stamps and plates and letters and numbers.  They ranged in size from large to smaller than the tip of your pinky.  But what's more, I was fascinated with the company's size and magnitude!

Here's an art form that has long been threatened by modern technology, as who doesn't know someone with Photoshop? And yet, here they are, doing it "the old fashioned way", no doubt, at top level. To me it is a great example of people with vision making it work.

It's too easy to get lost in our own heads about how we can NOT accomplish something.  Ask yourself why you can't reach one of your goals  or desires and you can come up with 100 excuses why it can't happen.  Imagine if a friend came to you asking for a loan to open "an old-fashioned printing press?" I think most of us would try to talk that person out of it or dismiss it as an idea that makes no sense.  There seems to be a better, faster, more advanced way to do everything these days, and yet- when you really look at the inner-workings of an art form, it's not a fast process.

My roommate is an artist and has been working on a piece for weeks.  Tiny pieces of paper have been visiting our house.  They escape his room and take little journeys on our socks throughout the hallways.  I'll occasionally find them hopping into the shower, or taking a ride on the cuff of my jeans.  I don't get annoyed, because I love that I live in a house where something is going on.  Recently I asked him to explain the sculpture to me.  I was fascinated by his thought process and the work it would take to get to the finish. (I won't reveal any secrets here!)  Talking to him brought up all kinds of other ideas in me that apply to music.  My psyche was stirred.

It's worth the time, next time you have the opportunity, to take the time to see what someone's craft is, and ask questions.  Maybe you know someone who sews, knits, is a woodworker, or has some other sort of fascinating penchant for the unusual.  Ask if you can visit their studio.  Make a little field trip out of it. Remember Mr. Roger's neighborhood?  I loved the episodes where he'd visit factories and they'd explain how things worked.  Do that again!

It's inspiring to see people in their natural element, and it's good for the soul to see people at work. Find one person in your life or your neighborhood that you can visit.  Most of them will be happy to talk about what they do.  And it could inspire your next great masterpiece!

The Zen Effect... creating an atmosphere for inspiration...

It's rare that I would endeavor to make this blog into a commercial break, but The Zen Effect ties in so precisely with the theme of creative focus, I could not resist.

It's a collection of 6 tones by composer and meditator Rolfe Kent, that presents you with a "calming ambient radio" to use as a backdrop for various activities such as yoga, meditation, massage, painting, writing, writing music, etc.

Think of it as a sort of whitenoise that helps you actually tap into your creative focus rather than distract you from it.  (Even our favorite radio public radio programs or playlists always have that ONE song that pops up and annoys us, jarring us out of whatever it was we were thinking!)  The Zen Effect is a seamless selection that last nearly 3 hours... Imagine if you could sit and write for nearly 3 hours without distraction!

Musicians can experiment over it, vocalists can warm up to it or practice with lyrics to it... you can put it on the morning and start your day out differently, slowing down to focus on what you'd like to accomplish or make time for that day...

Try it out behind your own creative juju and see what happens!

"Where the spirit does not work with the hand there is no art."  Leonardo DaVinci

To get your own Zen Effect,
Buy now from iTunes or read more about The Zen Effect.

Stare Off Into Space...

My gift to you today: 

a poem...

When you feel your head is full

of bits and specks and dirt and bull, 

Do not let it over-crowd,

instead make friends with the nearest cloud.

There is much to be absorbed

by its soft white cotton orbs...

Let your gaze drift gently on

and sigh to find 10 troubles gone.

Winter Beckons You...

I have been on a bit of hiatus, not because I haven't been thinking of creativity, but because I ended up doing a week-long "Creativity Burst"  via email, where I sent out seven days of creative exercises to get you up off the couch potato throne and into a new perspective.

If you're interested in receiving this week's worth of activities, please send an email to:  wishingmachines@gmail.com

I have spent some time since then putting these exercises into practice and starting a couple of new creative projects of my own (for I must practice what I preach!)... and I have had some awarenesses happening...

Winter is such an easy time to become dormant.  There is nothing more beckoning than a giant comfortable bed, a television, and a stack of movies when you come inside from the cold.  But spring has a ways to go before making her glorious appearance, and there are a whole lot of hours between now and then that could bring you one step closer to creative satisfaction!

So I have a challenge for you this week, which is to limit your TV/ internet time each day. Unless it's required for your job, when you have spare time this week, try to spend it not in front of the screen.  I know, it's scary... there are alot of YOUTUBE videos out there that are mucho hilarious... but, just for one week of your life, just TRY it...

There are things that happen when you are not sitting and observing someone else's experiences, but living your own:

1) You become in tune with yourself.  You start to move at your own rhythm, you lilt across the room when you hear the teapot boil, you reach for things in higher cabinets you previously forgot about, you find that old favorite pair of jeans in the bottom of the drawer... in essence, you do not groan each time you must lift yourself from the comfort of your couch, but there becomes a lively spring in your step.  You notice things you never noticed before.  You are more awake.

2) You use your hands.  You tidy up more, creating a more lovely environment.  You put things away, cause you have the time to.  You pick up that picture frame and look into the photo with more attention than normal.  You open up the window to live life not in a hurry, but to move through the day taking action.   You become inspired to cook something you haven't made in awhile... you do all sorts of things that require simple actions with your hands, which connect you to having a purpose- and when we feel like we have a purpose, we calm our minds.   (We have this idea that when we are successful, we will have other people take care of things we don't want to do, and then we will have more time, and then we will be happy.  But actually, in order to be happy, we must feel we have purpose, and when we use our hands, we are connecting to a simple human awareness that we are alive... not so when our tushes are glued to the couch!)

3) You start to create more life experiences.  Suddenly the stories on your favorite TV series begin to pale in comparison to the stories you create for yourself in real life.  The mystery movie, while compelling, is nothing compared to the mystery of the antique book lying on the corner that you decide not to pass by, but to put it together... and then you see a book by the same author on the coffee table of another friend, etc. etc... (yes, these things happen!)... Suddenly the drama on primetime is not as interesting as the drama of a friend's paintings at the art exhibit you now have time to go to.  You suddenly find yourself getting invitations and deciding to accept them, and don't feel it's difficult to walk out the door.  Instead, it's refreshing... you hardly remember that you're not caught up with the latest episode of your daytime drama, because, well, life is so interesting, it's the last thing on your mind!

4) When you are open to life, life will open itself up to you.  Yes, it's a bit scary- after all, we all build up walls to things that make us feel.  The pain of losing things makes us more afraid to open up to others, to take chances, or to put ourselves out there and risk rejection.  If we can maintain control, build ourselves up into this glorious empire of ME, then we cannot get hurt, right?  But the problem with this is, when we try to protect ourselves from hurt, we also close ourselves off to all other sorts of pleasant things... joy, compassion, giving, innocence, grace, excitement.  We get in our safe routine with our creature comforts.  We don't bother making new friends- the ones we have are obligation enough.  We have pressures, bills to pay, who has the time?! Actually... YOU have the time.  Let yourself use your time in a different way this week... just one week of your long life.  Drop the remote, pick up a vase, and fill it with flowers.  Invite your neighbor over for tea.  If they can't make it, invite someone else! Give your mailman a cookie.  Shake out the rugs and turn on some music.  Put on the crazy sweater and make someone a Valentine...

There is a world awaiting you, but it's just outside your idiot box.

"Showing Up" - The Risks and Rewards.

One of the biggest mistakes I see new artists make (and have been guilty of as well!) is their failure to "show up."  This is basically directly related to the number of opportunities they let slip by them.  Many talented people I have encountered suffer from a syndrome I call the "Waiting For It To Come To Me" syndrome.  There is some kind of notion that, because you are born with talent, or because you are professionally trained, or because you have done something cool, that people will come and seek you out; that they are just waiting for you.

Here is my tough love for you:
The truth is, people may be waiting to be inspired by you... but no one will wait for you if you do not SHOW UP yourself.  This is because there are hundreds of other people, places, and things in their lives taking up their time and attention.    We live in a world where technology has overwhelmed us.  We cannot get away from having things thrust in our face on a daily, hourly, minute basis to try to get our attention.  If you do not show up, WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHO YOU ARE.  And we will never know what we missed out on, because we have too many other things filling up our day that DO show up in front of us.

Here are some examples of showing not showing up:

1) You're a photographer.  You meet a person at a party who says they represent bands and gives you their card.  NO SHOW: You put it in your pocket and never call. You just missed out on an entire pool of paying clients.

*OR* You could make a note on your calendar to call him in a few days, send him some sample photos, and see if any of his bands are interested in raising the bar on their crappy "band on train tracks" promo shots.

2) You get invited to perform a song at a charity benefit.  NO SHOW: You decide it's not cool enough/ worth it.  Turns out, the manager you have been trying to get a meeting with was in attendance because his sister is on the board of the charity.  The person who did perform gained 200 new fans and a meeting with your manager.  You ate a bag of Cheetos and watched hulu.

*OR* Even though it's not really your thing, you decide to go ahead and do it cause it's a good cause.  You get moved and inspired by the speech and decide to make yourself available to them again in the future.  You also gain 200 new fans and 1/4 of them buy your CD that week on iTunes.  You get a meeting with your manager, and invited to perform at a show with another artist they represent.  Good for you for showing up!

3) You are at a party surrounded by other musicians.  NO SHOW: None of them have ever heard of you even though you just released your album.  You feel awkward cause you don't know anyone either and leave.

*OR* You could hang out for awhile, get in on some conversation.  Ask for advice in playing some venues they like.  Scope out that new bass player you've been looking for.  Make out with some girl in a bathroom... get the picture?

4) You want to play at a popular venue but can't get the guy to call you back.  NO SHOW: You also never go there cause the cover charge is $2 higher than your corner bar, and the promoter has no idea who you are. You continue to send emails that get a little more irate every time, and continuously feel rejected and bitter.

*OR* You could bite the bullet and quit being a cheapskate and go there a few times.  Don't buy that frozen cappuccino one day a week.  Hang out and be friendly.  Ask him how the night is going and what shows are coming up he's really excited about.  Make it a point to go to one.  Tell him how much you liked it.  He works hard at what he does just like you do.  Mention you HAPPEN to have a band and you'd be interested in playing sometime.

5) An acquaintance of yours recommends you for a creative job even though you're a complete beginner.  They introduce you to the head honcho and you spend so much time kissing their butt that you get the job.  The head honcho then becomes your best friend for awhile and talks you up to everyone they know.  NO SHOW:  Meanwhile, you never thank your acquaintance for hooking you up with the opportunity.  In fact, you don't mention them at all in any part of the process.  They feel a little underappreciated and the next time an opportunity happens, they recommend someone who is more gracious and humble.

*OR*  You could send your acquaintance a thank-you card or gift in the mail, or better yet, TAKE THEM TO LUNCH!  Not only can you express your appreciation, but you can find out about other exciting things that THEY are doing that you could maybe return the favor with.  This builds longer-lasting professional relationships and puts you at the forefront of their mind for the next opportunity as well.

It takes guts to show up, and it takes more effort. It also takes being a more genuine YOU.  Nobody likes to do favors for an egomaniac.  You're doing something creative because you love it.  You want to share it and  share the expression of that love with others.  So answer the knock at the door.  Don't blow it off. Make yourself equally valuable to others.  Become a part of the community surrounding your art.  Get out of the house.  See what channels open up if you do a favor for someone else once in awhile.  Chances are someone has helped you out along the way without asking for anything back.

And now, get off your computer and go do something.  As my fortune cookie said, "Whatever you want to do, do it.  There are only so many tomorrows."

GOOOOOOO!

Cheers,
Fluxus Flux.

New Year's Not-Goals

The new year is an excellent time to make resolutions about all those things you’re going to change about yourself starting today… so while you’re busy overwhelming yourself, here are a few pleasant things to distract us from our serious, important endeavors that put us on our way to being superhuman, and remind us that we are, indeed, humans, which in itself, can be a wonderful thing. 

1)   a long walk in an unfamiliar neighborhood

2)   a colorful candy store counter

3)   a drive to a small town museum

4)   Talking to an elderly person on a park bench

5)   The smell of soaps

6)   The sound of kids laughing at a playground

7)   Window shopping in front of mysterious antique stores

8)   Figuring out your waiter’s other life

9)   Not picking up your cell phone

10) Flannel sheets

11) Blowing bubbles

12) A giant pot of spiced tea for you and your neighbor

13) A candlelit bubble bath

14) The store that sells pianos

15) Sending a friend a postcard

16) Pretending you’re the invisible man/woman

17) Just listening at the dinner party

18) Glittery nail polish

19) Homemade soup

20) Writing a funny poem in honor of your best friend

21) Hugging your pet

22) Hanging upside down (circulation for your brain!)

23) A cat nap